


Family Counseling: A Recap and Added Drama

by galacticmistake



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, Barbara is kind of a bitch, Childhood Trauma, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dhani Makes A Bet (and wins), Dhani has seen some shit, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WAS A 10 YEAR OLD DRAGGED INTO THIS, Family Drama, Family Issues, George Harrison is a decent enough dad, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Mpreg, My First Work in This Fandom, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Screenplay/Script Format, The Gang Gets Therapy, Therapy, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This is me venting about a story I read, in-fighting, poor child..., questionable parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticmistake/pseuds/galacticmistake
Summary: After the events of chapters 1-9 of "Sweetest Secret", the gang all decides to do a session of family counseling to clear the air and settle their grievances.
Relationships: Barbara Bach/Ringo Starr, George Harrison/Ringo Starr, Olivia Arias/George Harrison
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	Family Counseling: A Recap and Added Drama

**Author's Note:**

  * For [prettygeorgie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettygeorgie/gifts), [popbubblegum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/popbubblegum/gifts).



_Enter a THERAPIST with a notepad._

**THERAPIST**

(Buzzes in) Bring them in.

_Enter GEORGE, OLIVIA, BARBARA, and RINGO. GEORGE is slightly emotional over a dog in a stroller he saw about 10 minutes earlier. OLIVIA is slightly annoyed, but she has coffee in hand, so it’s alright. BARBARA is PISSED beyond belief, and RINGO is trying to keep her from killing GEORGE on sight._

**THERAPIST**

Please, if you will, have a seat.

_THEY sit._

**THERAPIST**

Now, I may be wrong, but there were 6 that were supposed to be here, and there’s 4 of you.

**OLIVIA**

Correct.

**THERAPIST**

Where are the other 2?

_Enter DHANI and TOM. TOM is being dragged by the ear to the office by DHANI, who has seen far too much shit for a 11 year old._

**DHANI**

I brought you into this mess, and I should at least give you some context now that it’s all died down.

**TOM**

Fair, but please let go of my ear.

_TOM sits in an armchair to the right of the MAIN 4 on the couch. DHANI squeezes himself in the crevice between the armchair and the couch. DHANI has also whipped out a GameBoy._

**THERAPIST**

So, then. Ringo, I understand that you are the father to… George’s… octuplets…

**RINGO**

Yes.

**THERAPIST**

_WITH SOME AMOUNT OF CONCERN_

Alright, then… Barbara, how does that make you feel?

**BARBARA**

Stabby. 

_THERAPIST sighs and looks back in his notes._

**THERAPIST**

All right, then. So, how did this all begin?

_AWKWARD SILENCE between all characters_

**THERAPIST**

Right, then… Um, Mr. Starkey? Would you care to provide an explanation?

**RINGO**

Sure. Well, we saw each other again a few weeks before going on the Aspel and Co. Show. we hooked up, it was nice. The show came around, we hooked up again. And he didn’t talk to me for a few months after the fact.

**THERAPIST**

…ah. I see. Now, Mr. Harrison, how did you feel when you found out about your pregnancy?

**GEORGE**

Well, if I can be honest… I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t think it would be possible. But lo and behold, here we were. I was completely speechless.

**DHANI**

I got an NES out of it.

**OLIVIA**

Dhani!

**DHANI**

What? I’m just saying. I got an NES and “Duck Hunt” as consolation gifts from dad. I think he told me way before he told you. Not sure why, but he did.

**GEORGE**

Well, son. You knew Ringo.

**DHANI**

He’s my uncle. But I guess now he’s also my… step-dad? I have no clue, but at least I’m not a make-shift babysitter.

**GEORGE**

Yeah, no way in hell you were being put into that role.

**DHANI**

But I’ll spare some details. Mom found out, made me leave with her, said I could only visit once a month. Needless to say, I was pissed.

**OLIVIA**

Dhani! What have I told you about using that word?

**THERAPIST**

Now, now. We don’t want to stifle the young ones.

**DHANI**

You’re damn right!

**OLIVIA**

NO! See, after we left, he started to act out! More than once, I had to tell him to stop smearing peanut butter on the ceilings or to stop swimming in the fish tank.

**THERAPIST**

...what the fuck? 

**OLIVIA**

Yeah, we started getting raccoons. Now, normally Dhani is a gifted student.

**DHANI**

_SINKING BACK INTO THE CREVICE IN BETWEEN THE ARMCHAIR AND THE COUCH_

Mom…

**OLIVIA**

And normally, he’s also well-behaved. But after this news, he started to act out. Not violently, of course, but he’s become more withdrawn and erratic.

**THERAPIST**

Mrs Harrison, have you ever considered that this may be his way of coping with the sudden changes in his environment?

**DHANI**

I’m right here, y’know! And yes, it was a lot to deal with. 

**THERAPIST**

I see. So Dhani, were those instances out of frustration?

**DHANI**

Partly. I was also bored. I finished my homework pretty quickly, and I wasn’t able to bring my video games with me, so I got bored. And what happens when a gifted kid gets bored?

**THERAPIST**

Chaos.

**DHANI**

Correct. See, mom? Someone who gets it!

_OLIVIA angrily sighs_

**DHANI**

So, after the first visit with dad, we ran into Tom. He said that I looked nice and I said thanks, because I had to get dressed up because I visit my dad once a month now because he’s pregnant.

**TOM**

I honest to God thought you were kidding and that I heard that wrong. But no. he was literally fucking pregnant. I confronted George, he told me the truth, and I said that I’d help him if he needed anything.

**GEORGE**

And then you ignored quite a bit of my calls. 

**TOM**

Yeah, I did…

**GEORGE**

Why? You said that you’d be there for me, and then… you weren’t. Why? 

**TOM**

I guess I don’t have a very good answer for you other than… I don’t have one. It was absolute chaos, and I just didn’t know how to help. I’m sorry, George. I should have been there for you.

**DHANI**

I’m sorry I brought you into this mess, Tom.

**GEORGE**

Hey, don’t apologize. Tom, I know you were thrown into this mess. And Dhani, you just didn’t know how to react to it all.

**RINGO**

That was nice and all, but are we going to talk about how you ghosted me? Or that I found out about this by Barbara showing me a photo of the ultrasounds?

_GEORGE gulps in panic._

**RINGO**

Yeah. When I talked to you again, you were acting weird. I didn’t put 2 and 2 together when your coat ripped. And you blamed it on CHOCOLATE? 

**DHANI**

Bullshit! 

_OLIVIA glares at DHANI._

**DHANI**

What? I’m being honest. Of course it's no one’s first guess, but really? Really? At that point, it was staring you IN THE FACE!

_RINGO sighs._

**RINGO**

You know, you’re right about that, Dhani. 

**DHANI**

But after that, that’s when Barbara started harassing my dad. 

**BARBARA**

_Enraged_

I DID NOT HARASS YOUR FATHER, YOU LITTLE SHIT!

**DHANI**

Uh-huh, sure. 

**GEORGE**

Yeah, you literally called me “sick.”

**BARBARA**

I didn’t call _you_ “sick”, I called _the situation_ “sick.”

**GEORGE**

And then you threatened that Ringo would never hear from me again. Not only that, but you were the one who showed him the ultrasound picture!

**DHANI**

Well, something else happened when Barbara told you, Mom. Are we going to ignore that?

**OLIVIA**

Not now.

**DHANI**

We’re here. Do _you_ want to tell them?

_OLIVIA groans._

**OLIVIA**

I sent Dhani back to live with George. He wouldn’t stop talking about meeting his little siblings.

**DHANI**

That’s not the real reason. Tell him the actual reason.

**OLIVIA**

Fine. I sent him to live with his father to keep his father safe.

_THERAPIST stops writing for a second._

**THERAPIST**

...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! THAT’S NOT HIS JOB! IT IS NOT A CHILD’S JOB TO KEEP HIS PARENT SAFE!

**OLIVIA**

Cheaper than hiring a nurse, for sure. 

**THERAPIST**

You realize you’re only digging a bigger hole for yourself, here. Right? Admit your mistakes as a parent and try to amend them.

**OLIVIA**

_Sighs_

What if I had good intentions?

**DHANI**

In that case, I will continue to remind you that this is a part of why I got moved to a fucking therapeutic school.

**BARBARA  
**

Are we also going to ignore the fact that George told me that he wanted me to move far, far away?

**DHANI**

Well, I never heard anything about him telling you that, but HELLO? I was made to be the caretaker of my fucking dad! 

**BARBARA**

Shut up, you little brat! You didn’t have it that hard!

**GEORGE**

Excuse me, do NOT talk to my child that way, you insufferable bitch. Let’s also bring up how you almost made me and Dhani run away.

**BARBARA**

I APOLOGIZED TO YOU!

**DHANI**

I never got a cut of that.

**BARBARA**

STAY OUT OF THIS, YOU LITTLE BASTARD. 

**RINGO**

Woah, woah, woah! Why are you dragging Dhani through the mud? Also, need I remind you that you told me about this and not George? 

**BARBARA**

He wasn’t going to tell you.

**RINGO**

So that gave _you_ the right to tell me?

**TOM**

_Munching on popcorn_

BEAT HER ASS, OLIVIA! 

_Realizing that THERAPIST is glaring at him._

What? 

**THERAPIST**

I’m glad that you’re invested in the drama, but really? 

**TOM**

My bad.

_Puts the popcorn away_

You OK, lil’ dude?

_At this point, it is important to know that DHANI is curled up behind the armchair about to cry._

**DHANI**

I know what happens next. And I don’t like remembering it. 

**TOM**

What happened next?

_DHANI audibly cringes._

**TOM**

Oh. 

**GEORGE**

I, for one, am NOT a fan of the fact that you were involved, Dhani. 

**DHANI**

Did I even have a choice?

**GEORGE**

...you have a point there. But then again, I could have told you to go back to sleep.

**DHANI**

But you didn’t. 

**GEORGE**

And that was my fault. 

**RINGO**

Well, it’s not like you could control when you went into labor or anything.

**THERAPIST**

It’s not like he could what?

_EVERYONE stares in disbelief._

**DHANI**

I almost had to get newspapers for him, but he loudly pointed out my age.

**GEORGE**

Dhani, you were made to do things that shouldn't ever have been your responsibility. I was not going to allow you to go through this.

**DHANI**

Emotional support.

**THERAPIST**

Huh?

**DHANI**

_Sighs_

On top of having to retrieve materials, which I didn’t mind, and no they weren’t newspapers, but I had to hold his hand and encourage him. I didn’t mind that, but looking back on it, there’s a reason they don’t allow kids in the delivery rooms.

_THERAPIST sits there in shock._

**THERAPIST**

Well… you have a point… but wow…

**DHANI**

Is it better or worse for you to know how close I came to crying throughout the whole ordeal?

**THERAPIST**

1st of all, you’re a child. Naturally, you would never be placed in these scenarios. However, luck was never on your side. Emotions are only natural.

**DHANI**

Fair enough.

_Begins to cry._

**THERAPIST**

Let your emotions out, young one. Now, how many children were delivered?

**GEORGE**

Well, first, it was 3. Then another 3. All 6 were boys. And then the added surprise of 2 girls. So, all in all, 8. I call them my little octopi. 

**THERAPIST**

Well, that’s… creative. And I guess it gets the point across. 

**RINGO**

It’s also worth noting that I wrote a song some time ago called “Octopus Garden”, so that’s been the main inspiration for the nickname. 

**THERAPIST**

Aw, well isn’t that sentimental? Well, what are their names?

**GEORGE**

Elise, Louise, John, Brian, Carl, Jacob, Richard Jr, and Aspel. Picked them all at random. 

**THERAPIST**

Ah. how touching. Well, now that we’re all caught up, we should work on repairing the relationships. 

_DHANI continues crying._

**BARBARA**

SHUT YOUR YAP, DHANI!

**THERAPIST**

If you want him to stop crying, maybe don’t yell at him? Just saying. 

**BARBARA**

Don’t tell me how to handle this! My husband cheated on me, knocked up some… SKANK and now I have 8 more little RUGRATS to worry about! 

_DHANI still cries, but TOM is there trying to console the poor guy._

**BARBARA**

Make that 9. 

**THERAPIST**

Well, making fun of a child will NOT help matters. 

_Takes a deep breath._

OK, then. I can see that this manner of handling is not going well. I have an idea. Why don’t we all go around in a circle and give each other compliments? I’ll start off. Olivia?

**OLIVIA**

Yes?

**THERAPIST**

I, for one, admire your smile and your energy.

**OLIVIA**

Why, thank you. 

**THERAPIST**

Now, why don’t you go?

_OLIVIA smirks at GEORGE._

**OLIVIA**

George, you’re glowing. 

_Cue “ Curb Your Enthusiasm” meme as BARBARA grows enraged at the implications. All the while, OLIVIA is still smirking, GEORGE is slightly confused, DHANI is still crying, TOM is even more confused, and RINGO knows exactly what OLIVIA is implying. _

**THERAPIST**

Um… Mrs. Bach? Do you have something you’d like to add?

**BARBARA**

_SEETHING_

No. Nothing important. 

**THERAPIST**

Oh, I just remembered. George, you’re expecting a phone call through the office soon, correct?

**GEORGE**

Yes, sir. Why?

**THERAPIST**

Well, when that phone rings, I’ll leave the room. It’s a patient confidentiality thingy, I can’t be in the room. 

**GEORGE**

Oh, I get it. Yeah, it would be a nightmare. 

_The phone rings._

**THERAPIST**

Well, that’s my cue. Let me double check, though.

_He picks up the phone._

Hello? Yes, Mr. George Harrison? I’ll let you 2 chat.

_He sets the phone down._

George, that’s you.

_He exits. GEORGE walks over to the phone and picks it up._

**GEORGE**

_Into the phone_

Hello? Oh, hey doc. Oh, the test results came back? What are they?

_A brief silence._

**DHANI**

I bet you 30 quid that my dad’s pregnant again.

**GEORGE**

Oh. That’s interesting. No, I had a feeling. Well, the obvious symptoms, yes. I’m well prepared, too. OK. Well, I’m sure Ringo will be excited to hear about this.

_RINGO gasps._

**GEORGE**

Well, I’m excited too. Thank you again. Bye. 

_He hangs up the phone._

**BARBARA**

Well? 

**GEORGE**

Positive. 

_Stunned silence. TOM hands DHANI 30 £ as he continues crying._

**DHANI**

NOT AGAIN!

_Keeps crying._

**OLIVIA**

Come here, Dhani. You’ll be OK. 

_DHANI walks towards OLIVIA_

**DHANI**

_While crying_

I don’t wanna leave dad again…

**OLIVIA**

Well, you may not have a choice in the matter.

_RINGO walks over._

**RINGO**

Listen here, Dhani. I promise you won’t have to leave your dad. Sure he has a tour, but I’ll stay behind. You’ll have me and your siblings. 

**DHANI**

But what if something goes wrong on the tour?

**GEORGE**

Huh?

**DHANI**

What if you got hurt or lost or something?

**GEORGE**

I have all of my friends to help me.

**DHANI**

But what if something happens to the baby?

**GEORGE**

Huh? 

**BARBARA**

JESUS CHRIST, DHANI! 

**TOM**

He has a point. Why are you getting on his case? 

_Goes over to DHANI_

I’ll be there for your dad. And I’ll call you if anything goes wrong, OK?

**GEORGE**

STOP TRYING TO MAKE MY 11 YEAR OLD SON A MINI-ADULT! HE’S ALREADY IN THERAPY!

**BARBARA**

SINCE WHEN WERE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR SON’S MENTAL HEALTH?

**GEORGE**

WELL AT LEAST I DIDN’T DRAG MY SON AWAY WITH NO EXPLANATION!

**OLIVIA**

LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!

_Enter THERAPIST_

**THERAPIST**

NOW WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? AND WHY IS DHANI CRYING?

_Cut to DHANI, who is crying behind the couch._

**DHANI**

I’m used to this… but my therapist won’t be happy with this… 

**THERAPIST**

Son… I’m sorry that your family is a bunch of fucking nutjobs.

**DHANI**

My parents and Ringo really are good people, though. I promise you. 

**THERAPIST**

You don’t have to defend your family’s honor to me, kiddo. 

**BARBARA**

HEY!

_THERAPIST notices that they were arguing this whole time. He starts to grow more irritated._

**THERAPIST**

THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD IT WITH YOU LOT! WHILE YOU 4 HAVE ARGUED AMONGST YOURSELVES, YOU’VE LEFT A CHILD IN THE RABBLE OF YOUR CHAOS! I QUIT! I FUCKING QUIT! DON’T BOTHER PAYING.

_THERAPIST leaves._

**TOM**

Hey, George? Your kid swindled me out of 30 quid. 

**_FIN_ **


End file.
